Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Death Chicken ’08 Tour

1 ½ days left of 2008 and I’ve got to tell you, I can’t wait for this year to end. You may not have noticed, but it became painfully obvious to me earlier this month, that 2008 has been trying to kill me!

Seriously. This has been the unhealthiest year of my life. It all started with a small filling in March and the initial shot of Novocain that zapped my tongue. Which was followed by the horrible evil horrible horrible pain that eventually led to a root-canal. Fun. At least that stopped the pain. But then I noticed the cough. Remember the cough? It wouldn’t stop. And my old doctor just kept throwing asthma inhalers at me. New doctor gave me the “liquid gold” cough syrup and eventually the cough went away. But not my migraines. They were worse than ever! New doctor didn’t like that. Started experimenting with different drugs. Again – not so fun. A couple changes and the headaches seem to be behaving better. But then my eyeballs started to rebel. One pair of reading glasses later… and ’08 decided to break out the big guns. Kidney Stone from Hell. Damn. That was not cool.

Silly me, I thought I would end the year with a nice holiday wrap-up post and maybe some photos. I even managed to download my memory card into Lightroom last night and start editing. But ’08 isn’t over yet folks and it made one last attempt at taking me down by turning last night’s dinner into “Death Chicken”*. It even made a play on Kyle. Sharon thinks it is more likely the flu that is going around but whatever, I’m not going anywhere near those leftovers.

I got a Xmas card in the mail yesterday from Michelle, an old friend in Detroit. It is probably the best Christmas card I have ever received. It says, and I quote “This year sucked! Hope your’s was better…” I am preparing to write her a long letter.

And starting Thursday, in 2009 – the Year of Health and Happiness, there will be photos, Flickr updates, posts of happiness and joy! Yoga, climbing, and air in my bike tires. Hell, in 2009 I might even master that damn hula hoop!

* Rachel has already called dibs on ‘Death Chicken’ as her band name. She is fast.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A: It’s worse.

or: How to lose 10 lbs and 1 week of your life!

Now before you go and sign yourself up, make sure you are reading that correctly. Yes, you will lose the 10 pounds within the stated 1 week, but you are also going to lose that week. As in: Work? You won’t be there. Sorry boss. Plans already made? You won’t even have a chance to cancel them. You can apologize later. Family? Well, hopefully there is someone at home who can work the can opener. And they have pictures to remember you by right? You can catch up on everything you missed at the end of the week.

Still sounding good to you? Man, you ain’t right. First off, alarm bells should have been going off at “10 lbs in 1 week”, that is not healthy weight loss. Ok, what about this: you can not schedule this little “time out” from your life. It will strike randomly, probably at the most inopportune time cause that just how life rolls. It will roll on – without you.

Haven’t lost you yet I see. Time to tell you what this is gonna cost you. Because nothing in life is free baby and this little trip is gonna make you pay big time. And that is before the bills even come in the mail. This comes right out of your very being – form of: EXCRUCIATING PAIN!!!

All from a 4x7 mm kidney stone.

Still want what I had? I should think not. Trip to the E.R. 4 ½ days of vicodin/morphine and no food. Hospitalized. Mystery surgery. I recovered on toast, broth, Jello, and ginger ale. I felt like an 80 year old. Erin’s sleep patterns were disrupted. Kyle’s grades dropped. Chris has more gray than ever. My boss now calls me ‘Stoner’.

It is 8 days until Christmas. I’m a week behind on everything. I haven’t done any shopping. We haven’t even gotten the tree up yet. This year I am Santa’s most unprepared elf.

Hey Sain't - If this was 22 years ago I would be stylin’! I would put that Dr. Milt Town to shame.